I’ve lost myself. I have always been so strong and able to tell people to go away if they were treating me or anyone else badly.
Bethan told me tonight how angry she is at me for the way I’m being treated and acting. It doesn’t make any sense. I’m wasting time with my summer… Wasting time waiting for stupid things that probably will never happen.
It’s not me who is the problem. But why does it feel like it?
I feel like I caused all this pressure and pain on another person, and somehow forced him to make a decision. That wasn’t my intention at all, and I’m not sure he was ready for it. I’m actually not sure he is going to do it at all. Who knows? I’ve been lied to before, it’s probably super easy to just lie to me and keep on lying. Why not?
I feel like I shouldn’t think I’m the bad person in this situation….